I grew up with a sense that my desires were sifunl, though I can't pinpoint what, exactly, would give me that idea. I wasn't taught that sex or pleasure in themselves were sifunl. Certainly, I was taught that slavery was evil, and this was troubling to me with my fantasies of being enslaved (though why this should be, I can't say, since I certainly wasn't taught that there was anything morally unacceptable about *being* a slave; I think my guilt at enjoying the idea of something that had caused so much suffering to millions of people over the course of human history took on a religious tone simply because I was raised to associate shame with sin). I didn't grow up fantasizing about carefully negotiated consensual situations (but then, did any of us?), so it was easy to see what I desired as fundamentally evil. (One cannot be enslaved without having someone to do the enslaving, so in my mind I was desiring that an evil act occur, even if I wasn't the one DOING it.) On the whole, however, I was much more worried that my desires meant that I was psychologically or morally unbalanced than that they would send me to hell.Ironically, during the years I was involved with organized religion, that being all of my childhood and early adolescence and a couple years in my early 20s, the submissive nature of my fantasies made them EASIER to justify than a vanilla erotic fantasy would have been. Since it was the submission in my fantasies that excited me, not the sex, I could convince myself I wasn't having sex fantasies. In fact, I had a number of highly developed, VERY erotic fantasies in which nothing sexual occurred at all!Here's an interesting side-note: I recently realized that I was first exposed to the concept of *consensual* slavery when I was five or six years old . . . by READING THE BIBLE. The Mosaic Law includes details of a ceremony by which a man could voluntarily become a slave for life. Check out Exodus 21:5-6.
Posted by'Polat' on Saturday, 12.28.13 @ 06:50am